Our wonderful French-from-France friend Emma brought Seth some wine and chocolates back from France for his birthday.  Don’t they look luscious?  I wanted to tear into the bag first thing: Migraines?  Who gives a crap?  Now give me some French chocolate!

I didn’t eat any.  They’re sitting in the freezer, waiting for me to be migraine-free.  I’m hoping this will be some time in the not-too-distant future, but you never know.  How long do you think chocolates will keep before they go bad?

I feel a strange affinity with gluten-free blog writers.  It’s probably because people allergic to gluten have a lot of food restrictions, and I have a lot of food restrictions, and that makes me feel like we could be friends.  Well, we could be friendly, at least; I eat a lot of things they don’t eat, like wheat bread and pasta and baked goods made with flour.

Many, many people have suggested that I have an intolerance to wheat, and that’s what’s causing the migraines.  I’d like to get tested for gluten intolerance, or cut it out of my diet for a week — but then what would I eat?  That’s why I haven’t been tested.  What if I do get tested, and I am allergic to wheat and that’s what makes the migraines go round?

Here’s what I have to say to that: Hurray!  Halle-frickin-lujah!  No more migraines!  I don’t care if I have to live on photosynthesis and vegetables.  A dearth of migraines is worth it.  Of course, it would mean major lifestyle changes for Seth and me, and changes anyone who cooks for us.  But I’m willing to brave it.  (I’m making a bigger deal out of this than it is, I think.  Gluten-free people, some of them anyway, seem to eat well enough.)

And now that I’ve gotten my hopes up, reading beautiful prose about gluten-free living and imagining not having migraines, I’ll go and get tested and find out that gluten isn’t the answer.  Isn’t that the way it works?  Murphy’s Law and all that?  Is that even Murphy’s Law, when you jinx yourself by saying something is true before you know it?  Maybe that’s counting chickens.  It doesn’t matter.  I’ve decided that gluten isn’t causing the migraines.  Now here’s hoping for a surprise ending.

Hello.  I thought that since green tea is the miracle to end all miracles, I would drink some and wait to me miraclized.  And instead, I have a migraine.  So just in case you were curious, green tea is not amazing when it comes to migraines.  In fact, not only is it not amazing, it causes migraines* that don’t respond to Excedrin, which means I have had a migraine for the past eight hours.  Suck.

*Please note that I have not performed experiments on how green tea affects migraines.  I realize that green tea and migraines affect everyone differently, and what doesn’t work for me may work for someone else.  Please take this with a grain of salt.

Here’s what happens when I get a migraine:

1. Wake up after tossing and turning for the last hour or so, and realize I have a migraine.
2. Shuffle to kitchen, pour some cereal, and force myself to eat it even though I feel nauseated.
3. Evaluate level of migraine and mark it on the calendar.
4. Take Excedrin.
5. Take shower/have brilliant idea about writing or crafting.
6. Eat something else.
7. Get the shakes as caffeine kicks in.
8. Bounce around apartment, get ready and go to work.

The next 8 hours usually include this:

• feel physically ill from Excedrin
• take some Tums
• get lots of low-quality (from inability to focus) work done

The migraine is gone within three hours of taking Excedrin, but the after-effects last all day.  Once I get home, I’m super emotional.  I don’t fall asleep easily because I’ve been running on caffeine instead of energy, and my stomach hurts.  Then I wake up tired because I didn’t get enough sleep, and then my whole next day is shot as well.  Sometimes I come home from work with another headache-bordering-on-migraine.  Then I go to bed early.  Then, finally on the third day, I feel normal.  And I can’t remember what was so brilliant about my writing/craft idea, even if I’ve written it down.  What a bummer.

At a work event the other day, the subject of migraines came up (as it inevitably does when people wonder why I don’t eat chocolate).  One of the volunteers has a daughter who used to get migraines — until she had her wisdom teeth out.

I’ve never heard that one before, and yet it could make sense.  My wisdom teeth are impacted.  They didn’t develop until a few years ago.  Hm… too bad there’s no way of knowing for sure if the teeth are causing the migraines without getting them removed.

How much does wisdom teeth removal surgery cost when you don’t have dental insurance?  Is this of those surgeries that costs as much as a down payment on a house?  I’ll have to look into this.